The light fades from orange to blue to black
Bird’s chirps are replaced with the crickets song
The night is awakened
I awake too
I am not afraid, I stand firm
But I am afraid
The darkness surrounds me and
in the deepness of the night everything fades
Nothing is clear yet everything is
Soon the music of the night grows quiet
The moon sets
And in this dark silence
I am alone
feverishly
you loved
her
so much so
you
held her hand
in
yours
now the McBeth stain holds you captive
a self-given-guilt no washing can free
seventy-five years have passed
your liquid love
hidden away
deep beneath
your hands
now cracked
like dried earth
you had the flu
you were a child
and she was only two
how were you to know
what your hands of love could do?
you should know:
no-one
blamed
you
the rain
falling fast
falling on the raw earth
falling on the wooden box
falling on the people who loved you
deeply
burning holes into their skin
tear drops
from heaven
because you are missed
scrape away the surface
claw into the skin
are you happy now?
bloody your fingernails
touch raw warm flesh
are you happy now?
tear away the muscle
cover yourself in blood
are you happy now?
break ghost-white bones
turn them to dust
are you happy now?
No
monsters never are
voices
loud
beautiful and angry
heard above most
words
burning holes
into my heart
never-mind
i will patch them up
with
dish-washing, and suppers, and tv programmes, and watering my plants
and going out, and other conversations, and pretty things
and playing with my cat, and loving my husband,
and everyday things that people do
the
dull
ache
never
leaves
i wonder if you realise too
the only ones who can fill these holes
are me and you?
the sadness seeps through my clothes
i'm drenched in sorrow
these watery words
what do they mean now
after so long?
cloud white shells
once filled
with
trust, love, hope
now
lay
barren
on the sand
all things must end
the tide must go out
the cold wind scowls
angry at us, us with our
cold, gray roads
choking the earth like a noose
all while we are
burning and breaking beautiful
life
to make way for
cement boxes,
metal toys,
and fragile figures
the earth, so shy, lies still until
provoked
splashing her waves on the land
killing in her wake
how sad it is to know
the earth must defend itself
at war
because of
us.
Strange that when you find a
Love
that is
strong and clear
You find yourself
wanting
to be part of
everything
Looking at photographs
many of younger years
years before I knew you
some
torn, faded
A sad jealousy washes over me
because of the years
I have missed
knowing you
